Are They Cheating?

May 25, 2010

     While talking with some friends a question came up about how should a person react if they think their mate is cheating.   Several different answers came across the floor some said you should just confront the question, others thought you should check for signs of cheating, which of course brought up another question; what are the signs of some one cheating?  Then this of course led the conversation into what you should look for to see if your mate is cheating.  Like mood swings, coming home late if your married, not picking up your calls, after several attempts, always complaining of being too tired or too busy for sex.  These are ususally the tell-tell signs that let you know what direction your mate might be going.

     Yet, the original question was, what do you do when you THINK your man or mate is cheating?  What we discovered after getting to the root of the question was that we probably don’t handle the situation properly from the beginning and it leads us to a path we don’t want.

Do You Talk Too Much:

     Why is it when these situations occur we feel like we should call a friend or relative and express to them our fears?  Often we tell people too much of what we fear before we are even certain about the facts.  You don’t know if the mate is cheating or not, so wouldn’t it seem fair to talk to your mate before going to a friend or relative?

How Do You React:

     Now granted most of the time we know when somethings not right in the kool-aide.  Sometimes it’s the signs, then other times we just know in our heart of hearts that our other is not being true.  Yet, you have to ask yourself some questions before you take action.  Do I want this relationship to work? So, if they say “yes I’ve cheated,” can I forgive and move forward.  Or, is this too much for me to handle and I can’t trust them anymore and it’s best to probably move on with life without them.  These are the truths that you have to ask yourself. 

     Another reaction that can cause some serious damage is when we decide to show our mate how it feels.  Time and time again I’ve talked with friends that have made this move and it has ended in disaster.  First, they weren’t certain that their mate had cheated, so WHY go cheat! Second, two wrongs never make a better relationship, it just adds to the pot of confussion.  In addition,it adds a possible victim to the mess, your revenge lover.

Final Curtain:

     After a couple of hours of laughing, some crying and a great deal of smack-talkin we concluded with a couple of points that we hope will help.

1. Just ask your mate the question and express why you feel this way.

2. Don’t make calls all around town asking for advice, handle the situation as much as possible yourself until you have an answer.

3. Remember what you want in the relationship and be truthful about your feelings. 

4.  Find out what they want from the relationship. 

5.  Maybe some time apart is what the doctor is prescribing to sort it through if they do admit they are cheating.

6.  Don’t look for trouble, because you will find it if you look hard enough.

     That’s it people for today’s blog, let me know your thoughts, comments or even your issues on the subject.  If you need to, you can reach me at

Peace and God’s Speed

Jewel D.


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