Letting Go

June 14, 2010

     I’m so grateful to my guest blogger Chana Maxwell(thekingdomseeker.blogspot.com) for her post last week about dating and children.  When it comes to children and having a relationship things can get a little tricky.  It’s not easy lookin for love, dating and being a parent all at the same time, yet we are told to balance it out.  So, I thought that was a great topic regarding relationships.

     I’d like to talk about another relationship this week and it still involves our children.  What I’m thinking about it is a recent situation that caused me to think about how many other people may be facing this same dilemma.  Let’s just say a friend in order to protect the innocent here.  This friend has a daughter who has recently turned 13 and he as her father got into a pretty ugly situation with his daughter, nothing sick!

     Before the daughter goes to school this particular morning her dad ask her had she completed a project that was due for school? She ignores the question and tells her father she’s getting ready for school and could he leave her room.  So, he asks her again and she tells him she did it, of course her answer comes with GREAT attitude!  Well, of course the father did not react too well and he lets his daughter have it about her attitude.  She begins to cry hysterically and runs out to catch the bus for school.  Leaving the father to wonder what…just happened.

     The father tells the mother what happened and she tries to talk with the daughter and gets the same treatment and tears.  The mother believes the daughter hasn’t done the project and calls the teacher.  Her daughter did do the project and turned it in on time.  So, what was the big deal the mother and father think, why didn’t she just say that?  What was with th crying and running out of the house. 

     Earlier in the week the mother found the daughter in her room crying about her breast not being big enough and how she hated that her menstrual cycle had not started like her other friends.   On and on this behavior of crying and shutting the parents out goes with their daughter.  They try to ground her, talk with her, bribe her, whatever they can think of, but mostly they just don’t understand the behavior.

     We get a call from the father because he feels like he just can’t deal with his daughter and her theatrics any more and is at his wits end.  My husband and I decide to go over to our friends and speak with him and his wife directly because he sounded so stressed on the phone.  Once we get inside and begin to listen to the frustrations and dis-belief that these two parents are having my husband and I say with a slight laugh, “welcome to the world of being teenage parents.”  The mother and father look at one another as if someone had forgotten to tell them this.

     Look everybody we don’t get a handbook with this parenting stuff, so we have to wing it sometimes and other times we just have to reach out and ask for help.  We’ve raised three teenagers and have one budding, so we understand the frustration.  We just told our friends to let go some and not get themselves all worked up into a tissy.  Things may get worse before they get better, but it’s a ride that most parents of teenagers have been on and you can’t get off, so relax and just coast along with the turns and curves. If you want to talk further post your questions and if it’s not something you want everyone to see, feel free to email me at jeweld2009@hotmail and we will discuss it further.  As always thanks for your reading and comments.

Peace and Blessings

Advertisements

 

      As a single parent, I find dating in today’s face-paced world to be at most, quite humorous. I mean how does one go about dating without prospecting the other person, long term? For instance, I’m out with a man, first date. He’s looking to have some lovely lady’s (that would be me!) company for a moment in time, and I’m trying to figure out if he will actually fit into my ideal family unit.  Upon first glance, my mind is madly scribbling notes like an internal reporter, questioning his social DNA: is he intelligent enough for my impressionable son? Check.  Is he a patient, family man? Check.  Energetic, sincere, fun-loving, and protective? What are his finances like? Can he handle a family situation?  Thoughts and ideas that go far beyond the scope of a  first date. But, the overarching goal when dating as a single parent (esp. with a child of the opposite sex) is not always, merely for companionship to satisfy my own needs, but consequently, those of my son as well.

      You might say that early on while dating, these should not be my concerns, it’s just way too soon.  However, if you’re anything like me, you can hardly think of anything besides what is or is not beneficial to and for the life of your child.  So dating becomes this intensive probing job that mentally wears me out, rather than a relaxing night to enjoy with another adult,  without the presence of my child.

       One of the reasons the “reporting” takes place is because for some, sooner or later, it would just become economically beneficial to all parties involved to have dinner and a movie at the house.  No babysitter’s fees, restaurant costs, gas, etc. etc. After a few dates, wouldn’t it just be easier to invite “him” over for dinner and a movie? Well sure, but now, the court reporter questions come back into play and the big one: should I allow my child to meet him?

      This is where I get a little tangled.  If I allow my son to meet the guy, that might be okay – but what if all goes awry and the relationship ends? How’s does your child react to that? And even if your child is not traumatized with that, how many more instances of potential men does your child get to meet before you find “the one?”  This is where that tiny element of humor begins, only it’s not really a laughing matter.

A single-parent atmosphere is not readily conducive to the dating scene..  what do you think?

Chana Maxwell

Are They Cheating?

May 25, 2010

     While talking with some friends a question came up about how should a person react if they think their mate is cheating.   Several different answers came across the floor some said you should just confront the question, others thought you should check for signs of cheating, which of course brought up another question; what are the signs of some one cheating?  Then this of course led the conversation into what you should look for to see if your mate is cheating.  Like mood swings, coming home late if your married, not picking up your calls, after several attempts, always complaining of being too tired or too busy for sex.  These are ususally the tell-tell signs that let you know what direction your mate might be going.

     Yet, the original question was, what do you do when you THINK your man or mate is cheating?  What we discovered after getting to the root of the question was that we probably don’t handle the situation properly from the beginning and it leads us to a path we don’t want.

Do You Talk Too Much:

     Why is it when these situations occur we feel like we should call a friend or relative and express to them our fears?  Often we tell people too much of what we fear before we are even certain about the facts.  You don’t know if the mate is cheating or not, so wouldn’t it seem fair to talk to your mate before going to a friend or relative?

How Do You React:

     Now granted most of the time we know when somethings not right in the kool-aide.  Sometimes it’s the signs, then other times we just know in our heart of hearts that our other is not being true.  Yet, you have to ask yourself some questions before you take action.  Do I want this relationship to work? So, if they say “yes I’ve cheated,” can I forgive and move forward.  Or, is this too much for me to handle and I can’t trust them anymore and it’s best to probably move on with life without them.  These are the truths that you have to ask yourself. 

     Another reaction that can cause some serious damage is when we decide to show our mate how it feels.  Time and time again I’ve talked with friends that have made this move and it has ended in disaster.  First, they weren’t certain that their mate had cheated, so WHY go cheat! Second, two wrongs never make a better relationship, it just adds to the pot of confussion.  In addition,it adds a possible victim to the mess, your revenge lover.

Final Curtain:

     After a couple of hours of laughing, some crying and a great deal of smack-talkin we concluded with a couple of points that we hope will help.

1. Just ask your mate the question and express why you feel this way.

2. Don’t make calls all around town asking for advice, handle the situation as much as possible yourself until you have an answer.

3. Remember what you want in the relationship and be truthful about your feelings. 

4.  Find out what they want from the relationship. 

5.  Maybe some time apart is what the doctor is prescribing to sort it through if they do admit they are cheating.

6.  Don’t look for trouble, because you will find it if you look hard enough.

     That’s it people for today’s blog, let me know your thoughts, comments or even your issues on the subject.  If you need to, you can reach me at jeweld2009@hotmail.com

Peace and God’s Speed

Jewel D.

On last week I introduced myself and titled the post “Communicating in Marriage,” but after speaking with other women I decided to broaden the topic some; because we as women need to talk about marriage,love and relationships.  We need to be frank, share our opinions, prayers and experiences.  Women with more experience and more mature (sounds better than older) need to help our younger sisters.  I’m not saying you have to tell all your business in your marriage, love life (if you have one), but so many women just don’t tell it like it is or we pretend like what the other woman did for love, because of love or to get love was cool.  It’s time OUT, we must help each other.

Guest Blogger

I don’t want to go on and on with my personal thoughts on love, marriage and relationships (although they are many), yet I want to open the door for others to share their experiences and guest blogg with me.  So, Marsha Dudley, will share in whatever way she chooses on one, or all three topics in the morning.  I will see you there.

Christian Singles

May 12, 2010

Join ChristianSingles.com

Good Morning,

My name is Jewel D and I want to talk about a subject that I’ve been asked about alot, marriage.  I’m not an expert on marriage, but I’ve been with my husband for the past 24 years happily, we have four great kids and two grannies, so people think we might have a secret to staying married.  There is no secret.  It’s alot of hard work involved and a tremendous amount of giving and taking.

Now, when I say we’ve been happily married, I don’t mean that every day has been a bed of roses, certainly not.  What I mean is that we have had our ups and downs, but there isn’t anyone else I could think of that I’d want to be married too.  Does my husband have his faults, many, but so do I.  Have we changed physically over the years? Gravity is apart of all of our lives.  Yet, he is my friend and companion.  Lets talk some more next week about how to be happily married.